Do you ever get invited to a meeting at work and think "that's it, this time I'm getting fired for sure." Well that's what happened to me Thursday night when I saw, right before I went to bed, a meeting request for the afternoon of the next day. Wouldn't you know it, I was suddenly plagued with all the worst sorts of thoughts. I couldn't sleep, I had a huge knot in my stomach, and it was just absolutely a wretched night. I kept dredging up every little thing I'd done in the last 3 years that clearly was grounds for immediate dismissal, and mentally went through every drawer in my office so if I wasn't even allowed back to pack up I'd be able to tell someone where all my personal stuff was.
And, of course, it was a completely innocent meeting having nothing whatsoever to do with me besides the fact that I needed to be there to hear what was being discussed.
Does anyone else out there suffer from random insane bouts of paranoia? I took today off of work and got another meeting request for tomorrow, and now I'm "sure" that I'm about to be yelled at for something. What is this that's happening?
When I'm in a somewhat lucid state and my stomach muscles manage to unclench, I realize that God doesn't need or want me worried, and that even should I be sent packing tomorrow, He knows what's going on and must have something better in mind for me.
The initial title of this post was Topsy Turvey, because there is so much about to be happening in my life that I feel everything is getting flipped upside-down. And not in a bad way, but in a way that makes me realize that I absolutely must take control of my life, govern myself, and be disciplined in all that I do.
I think that's one of the reasons that I'm so freaked out about my job. It's supposed to be the one thing that doesn't change. It's supposed to be the one place where, more or less, I'm doing things right. But I'm realizing lately it's the one place where everything I learn in life is being played out. And that kinda sucks. Because the stress is really getting to me.
But as I am attempting to recreate myself into a more responsible person, I'm recognizing that complaining (even in a funny/witty way) doesn't do me any good. Instead I must find constructive ways to fight the stress and move past it.
So how does one combat stress? Drink lots of water. Avoid processed foods. Go to bed on time (and make that time include 7-8 hours of sleep) and don't get caught up in reading/Facebook/watching movies if there are better things you can do with your day. Oh yes, and pray, and read the Bible. Really truly. Those are a must.
Ok. Looks like I have a to-do list. Here goes.