Why Can't I Blog Anymore?

So, what has happened since my last post? Quite a bit, because not only has it been over a month, but well, a lot of stuff has gone down. I mean, I even missed posting on my Birthday. Earlier this year I was sure that by September 7th I'd be a SITS girl for sure. 'Cause let's face it, everyone was getting featured on their birthday.

Well, I suppose I will just have to do a recap, and hope that you can forgive me for disappearing twice this year. Here is what happened in the last almost 2 months:

My friend Mark died. He was a 34-year-old father of two girls with a combined age of less than 6, and he passed away from Pancreatic Cancer.

I called my doctor the same day I found out, because I suddenly realized that walking around with pain is not only negligence, but it could be life-threatening. So, four doctor's visits, an ultrasound and an MRI later, I can tell you that A) I do not have a torn meniscus in my knee, but I will need physical therapy, and I *could* get a Cortizone shot for the pain, except it would likely exacerbate the arthritis. Yes, arthritis. And B) I need to have my gallbaldder taken out. The night pains, especially after eating greasy foods, the fact that I'm full of "sludge" and have stones... well they said it'd be better to take it out now while it can be laproscopic, instead of waiting for a stone to get stuck in the bile duct and have to do open surgery. I do not need that, thank you.

Did I mention that I'm only 31? Yes, somewhere in the last two months I had a birthday. Hooray! I did have to work on the special day, sadly, but a group of us went out to lunch, and then I took the rest of the day off, and went to Millennium Park. That's where I took the picture of myself wearing the tiara that the girls at work gave me. How cute is that?? :) And then a friend took me out to dinner where I had the most high-class Chicken 'N Waffles EVER! It was quite amazing. And a very very high-class S'mores dessert too. Hooray for birthdays!!

But in and around all of this stuff is the imminence of my gallbladder surgery, and some serious self-doubt. I have to be honest with you, this has been a difficult last few weeks. I know that I am not the worst-off person in the world. I am not alone in having problems, and you may even have more problems than me! (although I pray you do not--it's not that I want to "win" the my life is the worst game, but I wouldn't wish multiple health problems on anyone!)

So this is where I am right now. I'm having a Silpada Jewelry party on Saturday that's kindof a birthday party too, although the lack of response to my invites either means that no one is used to me inviting them over yet, or no one realizes it's my birthday party, or no one wants to come. Whatever it turns out to be, this is the very very first time since college that I have hosted my own freaking birthday party and whoever shows up will have fun. And that's what matters.

One last thing that has happened in the last two months--actually just last weekend--I was asked to make cookies for a friend's son's birthday party. Now, I don't normally go to little kid parties and I never bring food or presents to them (yes I'm terrible, deal with it). But my friend Jennifer has invited me to two family events now, and after the first one I fit in so well with her family, and they all liked me, and they all loved my oatmeal raisin cookies... so much that just when I was trying to decide if I should risk bringing the same thing to last weekend's party, she texted me and said that my cookies had been requested, and that her family would even reimburse me for the ingredients. (which of course I didn't let them do).

But how cool is that?? I don't cook, I don't bake much, these cookies are like ALL I know how to do, and they liked them. Hooray.

One last thing that I decided to do in the last two months was not write Facebook updates unless I could write something positive. I dare you to try that for a while. I did it for a full week, then decided to do my best to continue on. Getting all the news about my knee and gallbladder made it difficult, but I am trying to at least find the humor in this all.

I mean think about it this way--I get to have a week of vacation--possibly up to two weeks! True, I will have some pain and discomfort, and I will have to spend at least a few days at home with my mom, my step-dad, two sisters, a dog, a cat, and what can only be described as an auxiliary backup family member before I can come back to my apartment, but I get a vacation this year! I get a full week where my work emails will probably be forwarded to someone else so I won't even have to check the BlackBerry if I don't want to! True I won't be getting out much, but come on, it's about time to start re-reading the Harry Potter series again. I think I'll find ways to pass the time.

And with any luck, I'll come back to work re-energized and excited about everything that will be waiting for me when I get back, patiently or otherwise. :)

Who knows, maybe I'll even start blogging regularly again. I do hope so... I have missed you all.

What I want to be when I grow up

18 Days. That's how much time I have left to get married, have two kids and a dog, finish (and start) grad school, and have the job of my dreams. And a 401(k).

Whatever.

As I round out the last year of my 20s (ok officially this will be my Third Decade celebration because it sounds cool, but thereafter I will set my status to 29 and just keep repeating it)

Wow, long sentence. Starting over.

As I round out the last year of my 20s, I have had many horrible terrible awful thoughts coursing through my head. What am I doing? Where am I going with this life? Why am I still single? It's pathetic how most of the people who took my Facebook "How well do you know me" quiz thought that what I wanted most for my 30th birthday was a husband. And you know what, I was totally fine being single until I realized that everyone else is wondering why I'm still single.

But that's not the point of this blog. The point is that I'm writing this at work, on my lunch break, thinking "Oh God, why oh why can't THIS be what I get paid to do today?" The point of this blog is that I'm realizing for like the 38th time that I actually have yet to figure out how to become what I want to be when I grow up.

I'm still 10 years (and 18 days) away from my one and only life goal: To be a college professor by the time I'm 40. I'm not one for 5-year plans. I made this one back when I was only 20. And I like it, because I firmly believe that going from college to grad school to teaching college isn't always the best for the teacher or the students. I want to approach classes with the understanding that I've been out there, I've lived, I've "done life" and now I'm teaching others how to do it. So technically I'm still in my 20-year plan, doing just fine.

But how do I get from 30 to 40? Because the secret caveat to my 20-year plan is that I'd be a published author by the time I begin teaching other people how to write. I mean, come on, I need credentials. I need to be able to say that I have actually been there, done that, and millions of people have bought MY T-shirt.

This post is going to be open-ended, because I don't know how I'm going to get from 30 to 40. But I know that if I keep finding the Extraordinary in the Ordinary, somehow my little life will change, and my 20-year plan will unfold like a butterfly from a chrysalis.

At least, that's my fervent prayer.